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  Devon was sexy, funny, and charming but even before the debacle with Emily this evening I still had no idea where things were going with him. I was in deep like with him but it had only been a couple of weeks, still too soon for any concrete feelings. Did I wish for something more to develop? You’re damn right I did. Devon was the epitome of what I was looking for in a man. But I also knew that the feelings had to go both ways. So far all I knew was that Devon had liked me back but after tonight I wasn’t so sure he was ready for instability that came with the career path I chose.

  “Let’s dance.” Sam rose; reaching her hand out to take mine, she dragged me out to the crowded dance floor.

  We spent the rest of the night out on the dance floor and drinking and laughing at the table with Anthony and a few of his rather handsome friends that had decided to join the party. The hours slipped away as we danced, partied, and celebrated the upcoming union of the happy couple.

  Anthony’s friends took turns dancing with me out on the dance floor while Sam curled into Anthony’s embrace, the two dancing to the beat of their own drum. I watched from the corner of my eyes, secretly longing for a love like theirs. I yearned to have someone hold me in their arms, their eyes reflecting their deep-seated love for me. I felt my eyes mist over with longing.

  The alcohol was clearly wreaking havoc on my emotional state. With an apologetic smile, I extracted myself from the arms of my current dance partner. He was one of Anthony’s friends though I couldn’t remember his name. High-tailing it out of the club I made my way out the back entrance, the cool night air slapping me in the face, waking me up to reality as I fell apart in the dark deserted alley.

  I slumped down the wall, my ass resting on the heels of my feet. Wrapping my arms around my legs I lowered my head to the tops of my knees. The weight of the world felt as though it were pressed firmly to my back. The roller-coaster of the day weighed heavily on my heart and mind. Heavy tears pelted my cheeks as I wept, fear and uncertainty streaming down my face.

  The deep-seated longing I harbored in the recesses of my heart came lurching forward. My hidden desire for an all-encompassing relationship had reared its ugly head. The trauma I experienced at seeing firsthand the effects of a relationship going sour further rocked my body, so many emotions warring from within threatening to destroy my heart.

  My heart yearned to belong to another and at the same time fear froze me in place. Seeing Emily’s battered body as she hugged her children to her body reminded me of how quickly love could turn from the most beautiful creation to the pits of hell. I knew that not all men were like Bob Davidson. I knew that there was something deep down inside of him that was broken. It didn’t keep my heart from trembling at the thought of tethering my heart to another only to have it savagely destroyed.

  Through the gut wrenching sobs that wracked my body, the sound of footsteps shuffling down the dark alley caught my attention, my ears perking up, struggling to make sense of the light footfalls. Lifting my head I scanned the narrow dark street, searching for the source.

  My eyes roamed along the shadows that danced slowly with the pulsing beat of the muffled bass pouring from the other side of the thick exterior walls of the club. The sound of the footsteps faded into the night. A growing sense of unease settled in the pit of my stomach, making the fine hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Fear skated across my skin, pebbling the smooth surface in its wake.

  I felt unseen eyes boring into me. Like a mouse trapped in a cage I panicked. Leaping to my feet I scrambled to the door of the club. Desperately yanking on the handle I pulled, fear seizing my heart as the door held firm, unwilling to open. I cursed under my breath. The sound of the footsteps down the alley picked up, my heart lurching out of my chest. The sound grew closer raising my anxiety as I continued to struggle with the locked door, my fist banging against the thick cool steel.

  “Sasha.” My name coming out in a drawn-out hiss echoes eerily off the brick buildings lining the alley.

  The sound of a can being kicked followed, the metallic tink, tink, tink, as it tumbled along the pavement had me breaking out in a cold sweat. I beat against the steel door, my fist hammering away, the sound echoing the racing thumps of my heart.

  “Sasha.” My name was hissed again, this time much closer than before. My eyes blurred with tears as they poured down my face.

  Suddenly I was flying through the air, my body rocketing back against the unforgiving pavement. My head bounced off the asphalt, sending a searing pain through my skull. The dim light of the club shone down on me as the club door opened banging against the brick exterior loudly, the sound echoing through the night sending another round of stabbing pain through my brain. Every inch of my body ached; my stomach rolled threatening to lurch as black dots danced before my eyes. I could make out the silhouette of a lone figure standing over me before everything went black.

  Chapter six

  “Easy there, Tiger.” Sam’s face hovered just inches from mine filling my vision.

  “What happened?” the sound of my own voice sent a searing pain through my skull.

  Wincing, I reached for my head, my hands cradling my crown. It was then that I felt the knot at the back of my head.

  “You got locked out of the club when you went to get some air. Anthony and I had gone to check on you then I opened the door not realizing you were behind it and knocked you to the ground.” I could see the pain and sorrow in her apologetic eyes through my squinted vision.

  “You have a nasty little bump from hitting the ground and a few scrapes and bruises but otherwise you’re fine.” Anthony gave a reassuring smile.

  “Can you sit up?” Sam asked, offering me a hand as she wrapped her arm around my shoulders assisting me into a seated position on the couch that magically appeared beneath me.

  “Do you have any aspirin?” I asked, this time speaking much softer, afraid of the repercussions my voice would have on my addled brain.

  Anthony produced two white pills and a bottle of water; sheepishly he handed them out to me.

  “Sorry about tonight. When I had hoped to make an impression on Sam’s best friend I was actually aiming for a good impression.”

  Taking the offered medicine and water I let out a light chuckle.

  “Yeah, I think you two will do just fine.” I mused.

  “Hey, this is only the third time this has happened.” Sam jutted out her hip, her hand propped on her waist. She was clearly offended.

  “Third time?” Anthony asked confused.

  I giggled despite the raging headache that had begun to form.

  “Yeah, Sam has a thing for knocking me out with doors.” I replied, the corners of my mouth turning up as Sam glowered.

  “It was an accident.” She huffed, rolling her eyes dramatically.

  “Sam, I would hope that every time was an accident. But now, I just don’t know.” Giving her my best suspicious look, I looked up at her through squinted eyes.

  Unable to hold the look long, my lips finally caved, quirking up at the sides.

  “You’re an ass.” Sam mused giving my shoulder a light smack.

  Anthony looked between the two of us, his brow furrowed in confusion. My only guess to his confused state was that he expected us to begin to fight, or at least share harsh words.

  “I may be an ass, but I’m your ass.” I teased back sticking my tongue out at Sam.

  Seeing the concerned, confused look on Anthony’s face I decided to put him out of his misery.

  “All is good, Anthony. I promise no hard feelings.” I gave him a playful wink.

  “If you’re good, I’m going to go finish my rounds and then come and collect the two of you. If you need anything just pick up the phone and let the person at the other end know,” He said, seemingly eager to escape the room, motioning with his head toward the black phone on the desk.

  I watched helplessly as Anthony wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist, pulling her in for a searing kiss.

  “Gross
, get a room.” I teased, pretending to gag.

  The flush of color on Anthony’s cheeks was enough to send me into a painful fit of giggles. With his head bowed Anthony left Sam and I alone in his office.

  “So, what do you think?” Sam gushed out excitement danced in her eyes.

  “Eh.” I teased holding my hand out, tilting it from side to side.

  “Seriously?” She shrieked incredulously.

  “Fine, Fine, fine. He is dreamy, alright? He is sexy as hell and super sweet and I can see his love for you a mile away.” I giggled as I praised her fiancé.

  “Oh my gosh, I know, right?” Sam said excitedly sitting beside me on the couch, her legs pulled up, tucked under her.

  I mimicked her position, getting comfortable in the unfamiliar room. It had been a while since the two of us were able to just sit and gossip over more than a cup of coffee in the morning before rushing to the office. The two of us being able to sit here and do it now warmed my heart. I’ve missed this.

  “I can’t believe it took me so long to get out here with you. I’m really glad you talked me into it.” I meant every word I said; I really was glad Sam finally pulled me out of the house.

  I loved seeing the happiness that glowed around her like a halo.

  “Even though I knocked you on the ass?” She teases good heartedly, a smile tugging at her lips.

  “Seriously, how else would I know how much you loved me?” I tease back, giving her a full smile.

  “This is true.” She says as though considering it.

  “Does your head still hurt?” Reaching my hand back to rub the tender knot on my head I only winced slightly.

  “Not so much.” It’s only a partial lie. It still hurt, just not as much as it did in the start.

  Worry lines edge her concerned apologetic eyes. “Hey, seriously, I’m all good.” I tried to reassure her.

  “Remember that time you knocked me off the roof?” I said nudging my shoulder into hers.

  “Oh. My. God. I thought you were dead.“ She gasped, her face going pale as she remembers the day.

  We were both thirteen; sunbathing on the roof of my grandmother’s house. I had been teasing Sam about her crush on one of our classmates. Sam had shoved me playfully to shut me up, the unexpected momentum sending me toppling over the side of the house. I landed on my back, the wind knocked out of me, leaving me dazed. The whole incident had scared us both to death. Thankfully, we had been on the lower end of the roof, the fall not nearly as bad as it could have been.

  “See, this was nowhere near as bad.” I said, giving her shoulder another nudge.

  “Yeah, but I still feel bad.” Rolling my eyes, I sighed dramatically.

  “Fine, I’m over it.” She relents. “Now tell me about you and Devon.” She said excitedly, wiggling comfortably in her seat.

  Now it’s my turn to sigh. I honestly have no idea what’s going on between me and Devon and I tell her as much.

  “I thought everything was going great.” Concern take up residence on her face.

  I know I can’t tell her everything that has gone on this evening; no matter how much it tears me up inside or how much I want to spill the beans. I have to keep this to myself.

  “You know how it is.” With a doubtful look cast my way I know I need to give more details. Not enough to give it all away but just enough to get her to drop it.

  “Late night phone calls, being called away while at dinner, the stress of some of our caseloads.” I implore her with my eyes to understand.

  “Couldn’t you woo him with your amazing sex skills?” She asked, arching a perfectly sculpted brow in my direction, a smirk played out on her face.

  “Girl, I laid my best game out for him.” I rolled my hips seductively biting my lip.

  Sam chuckled shaking her head. “The man is an idiot.”

  “Yeah, but can you blame him. What we do is hard enough on us. Just imagine how hard it has to be on someone with no training, someone who has never experienced it before.” I replied mournfully, every word dripping from my lips felt like a dagger to my heart.

  Finally, after a long pause, Sam gave a long soulful sigh.

  “I get it.” Her eyes apologetic as she spoke.

  I hated lying to her. I hated not being able to disclose my deep dark secret to her, telling her the full truth. I had never in my life hid anything from Sam so I knew she wouldn’t expect it now. The lie sat heavily in my stomach like a lump of coal. Mistaking my misery over my lie for misery over Devon, Sam swept me into a firm embrace.

  Like a coward, I allowed her to hold me; soothing words sent tears streaming down my face. Unable to hold back, sobs wracked my body. I cried for Emily, the impending loss of Devon, and for the lie I had to hold close to my heart.

  Sam held me, allowing me to come undone in her arms. Rocking me like a child she continued to whisper sweet nothings in my ear, promising me I would find someone that would love me through it all, someone like Anthony.

  By the time Anthony had come to retrieve us we had both dried up our tears and scrubbed away any traces of the heart-to-heart we shared. We sat in his office talking and joking with one another as we discussed Sam’s wedding plans. She wanted a beach wedding, the one she had always dreamed about. I couldn’t fault her no matter how cliché it was. There was something about saying your vows on a sandy beach as the sun sets in the distance that calls to all little girls, only the few lucky ones ever get to experience the real deal.

  Chapter seven

  Stepping into the empty house I never felt more alone. Spending the night watching Sam and Anthony interact along with the weight of losing Devon made the hollowness in my heart feel almost unbearable.

  I wasn’t exactly sure if it was Devon that I missed or the companionship that we had shared. I liked him alright. I liked him a lot actually. My mind was a muddled mess incapable of deciphering the clearest of messages, let alone managing the tangled web of emotions surrounding the unavoidable loss that may come of the relationship the two of us had so recently begun.

  I was torn between my feelings for him, unable to separate the fantasy from reality. Was it the loss of Devon I felt deep within the recesses of my chest or what he represented in my life? Trying to decipher between the two only confused me even more. I was unable to see the line that should have so clearly defined the two, instead they blurred into one.

  I had avoided close relationships my entire life. The relationship with Devon being the closest one I had ever experienced outside of my relationship with Sam. Although Devon and I had grown closer than I expected and I found him to be the most gorgeous man I had ever met, I wasn’t sure if there were romantic feelings, feelings involving the big four-letter word. What the feelings I did have for the man represented, I wasn’t quite sure. Just thinking about it pained my already injured head.

  Wallowing in self-pity I grabbed a bottle of wine and ambled to the master bedroom seeking the comfort of a hot bath and liquid fortification. Having spent most of the evening drinking already, I knew the bottle in my hand would be just the right amount to tip the scales, leaving me in a blissful state of drunk.

  Slipping into the steaming hot bath, bottle in hand, I allowed my body to sink deep within the bubbly surface. The hot water washed the grime of the evening away from my body. The small cuts and scrapes I received from the altercation with the back door to the club stung against the scalding water, reminding me of their presence. Biting against pain I slugged back the bottle.

  The hot soapy water worked wonders on my tense muscles, the wine working in equal measures on my addled brain, making the rerun images of my night pleasantly obscure. I gave into the warm fuzzy tingles dancing along my skin, making my eyes heavy with sleep, the comfort of my liquid cocoon lulling me into a deep slumber.

  -

  The sound of my phone ringing jarred me awake, my limbs still heavy with sleep struggled to climb from the now cool bath water. The bottle of wine I took with me into the bath bobbed along
the top of the water at the end of the tub, water splashed over the side of the tub as I clumsily staggered to a standing position, my legs weak and quivering like Bambi on ice. Groaning in disgust at myself, I winced against the pain that rang between my ears.

  My phone continued to ring, begging to be answered, causing my head to throb even more. Wrapping a towel around my dripping wet body, I stumbled into the bedroom using the wall for support as I made my way to where my phone lay plugged into the charger on the bedside table; the effects of the bottle of wine and the hot water from my bath clearly wreaking havoc on my limbs and head as I struggled to put one foot in front of the other.

  By the time I had made it to my phone it stopped ringing. Pressing the button on my phone I pulled up the call log. I had missed a call from an unknown number.

  I felt my heavy heart sink in my chest, hidden hope that it had been Devon calling threatened to bring tears. I could feel the familiar burning sensation behind my eyes. Sniffling, I willed away the tears that threatened to fall. It was just a wrong number. Unsure of where the tears and overwrought emotion regarding Devon came from, I shoved them back down.

  Glancing at the time on my phone I realized it was just after four in the morning. I knew that Devon had a long drive ahead of him and there was no way he would have made it to North Carolina by now. They had left just before seven. Even if he had driven straight through the night it would have taken him longer than nine hours. I wasn’t sure where his sister lived in North Carolina but I knew that with the heavy traffic in the Miami area it would have taken him at least an hour to get out of Miami alone.

  Sighing, I sank into the mattress, not caring that my hair was wet or that a towel was my only covering. I let my eyes drift closed. Now vertical, sleep pulled heavily at my lids, threatening to pull me back under.

  My phone began to ring again, jarring me up. Unknown flashed across the screen. Sliding my finger across the smooth surface I answered.